We got the Nobel Peace Prize! :o It has been like fifty years since the previous time a Finn got any kind of a Nobel Prize, and now Ahtisaari surprises EVERYONE by winning. (He has been nominated a number of times, and everyone has been sort of laughing at the whole thing. Our Mara sure is adorable in his Donald Duck-like way, but... Looks like we were once again proven wrong.)

But there are more important things in the world than the possibly most respected prize in the whole world. You know, things such as MY BFF (Best Finnish Friend ;D) BEING PREGNANT WITH TWINS! :does a happy little dance: Yaaaaaayzays! Congratulations, T! <123

Now that I got that out of my system, I can get back to writing an essay on... I do not even know what I ought to be writing about. :D

And frankly, my dears, I hate it.

I hate going to sleep alone.
I hate shopping alone.
I hate going to the grocery alone.
I hate having lunch alone.
I hate travelling alone.
I hate watching telly alone.
I hate spending the evenings alone at home.
I hate having no one to talk to.
I hate having no one to hug.
I hate having no one to hug me.

I hate getting to go where I want to,
whenever I feel like it,
without having to think about someone else's timetable.

I fucking hate this.
And I hate it when everyone around me is happier than I am.

And I hate lecturing.
I hate seeing him in the audience, his eyes glued on me.
I hate knowing that he really does not give a shit about what I am talking about.
I hate knowing that he comes only because he misses me as much as I miss him.
I hate him because he is stronger than I am.
I hate him because I still love him.

I hate being unable to think about anything else
aside from his eyes on me,
and lecturing being the only way to get his attention.

I hate my life.
I hate them because they died and left me alone.
I hate myself because of hating them.
I hate the way life goes on even though I do not want it to.

In the modern world, church and state should have absolutely nothing to do with each other. Each slows down the natural development of the other, by bounding their opinions to something that simply does not work. An excellent example is the question of the relation of the homosexual to the church - and the other way around, of course. The state, of course, says that no one is to be treated unfairly depending on whether they like men or not, but the church has its millennia-long tradition on this matter - and many others.

So, my opinion is that the church and state should be kept away from each other, but they should work as a team - an EQUAL team, in which both can say exactly what they think and feel about the other.

So, I got the test results yesterday. There is something wonky with my blood, but it is not leukaemia. And I could not be more relieved.

See, I loved my sister. More than most of you can possibly imagine. But after her death, I have started to feel that for a large bunch of people, I am just a poor replacement of my twin. And without even realising it, I have done things the way I think she would have done them. Being diagnosed with the illness that was the death of her - that would have been way too much.

Studies are hectic. Really. But I enjoy it - a lot. I have no time to think, no time to spend sitting on the sofa, crying. I run from a lecture to another, from a seminar group to a quick lunch with my buddies - spend the NORMAL life of a NORMAL university student. I even had a date(ish) yesterday! (A guy I have known for years asked me out. We just decided to call it a date, even if it was more catching up with what is going on in our lives. And to make the Swede jealous, but tii_nanni apparently had better luck with that with her ex-Swede. (Way to go, girlie!) :D

Yet, not a day goes by that I would not wish it had been me instead of Sigrid. Or my sister. Or my fiancé. Is there a point? If so, then please, let me see it.

Comment. And I shall give you a letter. You have to list 10 things you LOVE that begin with letter. Then, post this in your journal and give out some letters of your own!

exosomatic gave me < S >.

( So... )